i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
