Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
