just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
