Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
