I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
