I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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