nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
that's an acceptable place to lick
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
