I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
