you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
