We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
