I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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