she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
