Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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