Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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