I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
