Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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