in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
