I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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