I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
