Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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