I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
