the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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