She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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