Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
