No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
