Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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