I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
