I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
