I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
