im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
