he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
