My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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