i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
