Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
