she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
