Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
