i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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