his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
