did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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