She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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