Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
