Soap is not a condiment
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
