i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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