God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We got so high we made milksteak
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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