I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
