my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
