grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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