fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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