Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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