if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
