I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
