I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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