Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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