there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
