i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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