I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
