So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
